I wrote this piece five years ago. A reflection on a shadow that has followed closely behind me since I was 14.
Your shadow always just one step behind me. I feel you creeping up and ripping the air from my lungs. As I feel your breath my feet move quicker, my heart beats faster.
The light disappears and it’s only me and you, alone. I’ve no one to run to. Your pace seems to get faster, I know I can’t out run you. I lost this race the day I met you.
I can hear your breathing in time with my heart beat. It’s beating so fast it blurs my vision. All of a sudden I’m lost on a road I know I knew. I can’t hold back the tears, they flood my eyes as I curse your face. I never knew your name.
I know I can’t out run you.
I feel you put your arms around me and just as I give in, as I accept it is the end, I turn the key in the lock and you disappear. I am safe.
But I know the next time I walk out alone you will be there, waiting, stalking.
Your face has blurred over the years, it now only looks like fear. I see your face everyday and for that I hate you. I hate that after so many years I still feel you behind me.
If only you knew your actions that night wouldn’t stop when I broke free of your grip – you grip – it turns out – would last my life time.