caution! high pressure zone.


Your mid to late 20’s should come with a caution sign! All of a sudden my current relationship status has become a point of interest, even with people I’ve only just met.

Less than two minutes into a conversation at a party the other night, I was bluntly asked – are you single or married? Wait a minute, you don’t even know my last name, and you probably don’t even remember my first name for that matter – I only told you two minutes ago.

So why is it that everyone is so concerned about whether or not we are married, if we have children, if not, are we trying, what home loan we went with or when we plan to move to the outer suburbs to finally get that picket fence.

It’s as if everyone picked up the ikea catalogue for life, picked out their favourite flatpack lifestyle and followed the instructions on how to assemble. There is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes the instructions pages stick together and you miss a few steps and end up with something that vaguely looks like picture, but you’re left holding a couple of extra screws and it’s leaning a little to the right.

While everyone is quick to judge when you haven’t ‘ticked the boxes’ in life yet, they are also quick to forget that life doesn’t move in a straight line from birth to death. In between there is a lot of beautiful chaos. It is that beautiful chaos that makes life rich.

So no, to answer your question lady I’ve never met, I am not married. Yes I am single! But how about you re-fill your wine glass and let’s get honest about it.

I am single. I am single because I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship a year ago. The kind of relationship that did more damage than it ever did good. The kind of relationship your friends can’t believe when you let them know the truth. The kind of relationship you wish you had walked away from long before you did. The kind of relationship that takes time to heal from.

It’s almost as if unless you put a ring on it and said I do, the relationship never existed. It’s more expectable to be divorced than single. But aren’t they really just the same? A ring on a finger doesn’t make any relationship more significant than another.

But since you’ve asked, yes, I am happier than ever now and stronger than I thought possible. I may not have a husband by my side, but I have honest and loyal friendships. And don’t feel bad for me, I am getting laid and when I am not, with my independent woman’s income I can afford a vibrator.

Am I at least looking for a husband? Well in the app-happy world we live in now, I am on Tinder – and have successfully been on a number of very unsuccessful dates. Am I just being too picky? Shouldn’t I be? I would rather be single than with someone who wasn’t my Mr Right. So until that Mr Right comes along, I’ll settle for Mr Right-Now.

You really mustn’t looked so worry. I am not at home every night, alone, sobbing for my prince charming while my dozen cats meow at my feet to be fed. I only have one cat.

But please, enough about me. Is your husband here with you tonight?

Oh you’re divorced are you. Would you like help setting up your Tinder profile?

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